you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
