Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
