I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
