I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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