I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
