Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
