Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
