hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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