Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
