I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
