Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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