I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
