Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
