did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
