I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I know her cup size but not her name....
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