We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
