Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
