Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She announced her abortion via fbk
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
