My liver just broke up with me...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
