Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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