Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
