we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
