We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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