I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
