Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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