I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
