new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
