I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
