Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
