forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
