everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
