why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
