Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
