you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
