Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
