I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
