I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
