it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
