Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
