Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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