so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
