He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
