She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
