I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
