Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
