Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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