I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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