But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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