i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
