why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
