shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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