he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
