i wish my penis had a tongue
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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