I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
