I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
